accept thyself without knowing

quite some time ago, mid 1980 actually, i went to joann fabrics, bought a clown outfit pattern, fun colorful materials, rickracking, bias tape, yarn to create the big floppy buttons, and the rest of the ingredients to sew together this costume. after acquiring make-up, juggling bags and the rest of the accoutrements i was ready to start this new venture selling balloons at festivals, fairs, and the rush street night life of the windy city. the journey on the way to the destination to economic prosperity was far more interesting than the end of the day's fiscal summations. as ragtag observant of the hoi polloi occupying the streets of chicago, i recognized more than ever before how fundamentally different we all are. a person in a clowns outfit inspires an expansive variety of reactions.

at the time i was only 18, graduated from high school the day before, stuffed what i could fit in a duffel bag and moved from indiana to the big city. i learned more about people in that 3 months, before setting off to indiana university, than i had learned in the previous 18 years of my life.

i love observing people. in doing so, i come off as quite and shy. really i am not. i have performed magic on stage, plays, musicals, was selected as one of about 12 kids in my school system to perform plays on their WETL radio station, sat on the board of directors for junior achievement, i was head judge for years for a gaming tournaments with up to 1000 participants, and lots more. I have met with michael jordan twice, dined with arnold schwarzenegger and dan quayle (different dinners), smoked a cigar with bill cosby, met with muhammad ali, golfed with huey lewis, had a beer with harry caray, worked several events with john mellencamp, spent a working weekend with chris evert, ken griffey jr. was a partial owner of one of my businesses and met and worked with hundreds more athletes and music performers. Some nice, some not so nice, but bottom line is; we are all similarly different.

dimestore analogy... pull two leaves off a single tree and look at their subtle differences in vein patterns and know that the thousands of other leaves are similarly different yet they all still function and thrive together, and when their green chlorophyll ebbs, they mature, and much more clearly demonstrate their dramatic and inspiring individualism. i can only assume that nature/god never intended the leaves to be perfect or they would all be the same.

we are all so different, and i go introspective on occasion trying to understand my own esoteric nuances. if i don't "know thyself", then i cant suggest that i understand others (however still i try). i am, as others are, complex. i have stopped eating the meat of animals but still eat fish. i am not sure i believe in god but then raise and donate $12,000 to rainbow babies and children's hospitals to thank a higher power for my children's health. i don't like to see animals killed for their fur but i am more than willing to wear leather. on and on my conundrums abound.

i will continue to question myself, perhaps to never understand, and in the end simply revel in our differences.