What was I thinking? You be the "Judge".

Why did you say that?
What have you done?
Don’t you know they’ll think
you aren’t very fun?

These judges they whisper, glare, and they grumble,
Sometimes point, often stare, and then mumble.

I can’t always hear them
But I can see from their eyes
They don’t really like me
Like that’s any surprise.

As I grew up my peers often jeered,
passing in hallways they said as they leered,
“Where are your cool things,
your neat things, your new things?
Your hair, and your clothes, and your body all say nerd.
And by the way, do you know, you have the legs of a bird?”

Through taunting and teasing
You suffered it all.
From quibbler to slanderer
You’ve held your head tall.

How could you stand there day after day,
just letting those nitpickers say what they say,
without getting angry and feathers a ruffle,
staying so upbeat and out of a scuffle?

Some are just spiteful
more than a bother,
best leave their judgment
to heavenly Father.

Sometimes they’re right
but most times they’re wrong.
They judge me too quickly,
it wouldn’t take long,
to really get to know me
and see I possess
fine redeeming qualities.
I’m not a huge mess.

Once a while back, a story was told
of a time when I wasn’t too old.
At 6 months I always sat slumped in the chair
They assumed my head contained nothing but air.
I was defective, moronic, a numbskull, slow-witted
My brain must only be partially knitted.
IQ tests conducted on me later did show,
my neurons worked fine, they let data flow.
An error in judgment that time had been made
Was this the first of many that was staid?

You ask, when did this start,
this continued assessing?
Well, you were quite young
when they began your obsessing.

They had many devices, machines and a scope.
They checked to see if in life you would cope.
They took readings, ultrasounds, they poked and they prodded.
A scratch of their heads, they conferred and they nodded.
“The prognosis, we decided is your unborn is just fine,
in the womb it will come out, and come out right on time.
I don’t know if it’s something you wanted to know,
but that little appendage right there, it isn’t a toe.
Soon your daughter, indeed, will have a small brother.”
They explained all this and more to your mother.

When you were born you came out in a hurry
all in attendance cast glances of worry.
“His hue is too blue!” they exclaimed with ado.
“What is wrong with his breathing? I haven’t a clue.”
“A 10% chance” came the doctor’s decree
So your second big victory came on day three,
The nurse told your mom with a hug, “He just sighed.”
“He sighed!” she replied, so happy she cried.

So when the day came;
the day of my birth.
When they took me and weighed me
and measured my girth.
This data collected while I lay naked and bare
To be used for other mothers
to chat and compare.
That wasn’t the start?
It was way before this?
This is all so astounding
What else did I miss?

On the day she found out
mother to father she spoke.
He huffed and he puffed
and said, ”You must joke!
The first was a mistake
and forced me to marry.
Please don’t tell me
another you carry.”

So you see it all started
at the start, your conception.
You were determined by one
to be an unwanted possession.

First time you appeared
before the bench of a court
Harsh judgment was passed
that love managed to thwart.
The jury was hung,
so not all was lost.
Your mother wanted you,
no matter the cost.

Wow, it would have been bad
if she went with pro choice.
I would never have existed
I couldn’t even voice,
my feelings for life,
so humble and quaint.
I think my dear mother
was really a Saint.

Look there, oh my gosh
now see what I’ve done
I just passed a judgment!
Have I become one,
of the malicious maligners
who spew and who spout
those harmful appraisals?
Am I a critical lout?

Your words they weren’t hurtful.
No surmising in spite.
As long as you’re truthful
It should be all right.

That’s not all there is to it.
There must be more rules.
If we blurt out our feelings
we are taken for fools.

Seven fortnights ago, maybe it was eight.
I was tired and sleepy and not thinking that great.
A rebuking message I typed, and clicked button send.
That probably caused me to lose a new friend.

I said what I felt and I know how I feel
Even though she said it couldn’t be real.
I know I am right, and again I would say
the same to deaf ears, since I’ve had judgment day.

Yes, yes I know that I made a muddled mistake.
It was one that one does, that any can make.

Why did you say that?
How could you slip?
Haven’t you learned yet,
they’ll think your not hip?

Forget that you saw that,
forget what I said.
Please erase those foul memories
right out of your head.

Just a slip of the tongue,
a wrong stroke of a key.
I wasn’t too thoughtful
and I’m so very sorry.

Impressions are cast
with incredible speed.
Causing rises of fortune,
or love severed to bleed.

What is done, has been done
and is hard to undo.
Be fair and be honest
someday one will see through
your quirks and your whimsy
to find a kind soul that cares
about thoughts and deep feelings
while climbing life’s stairs.

I will live my life well
unconcerned with discern,
I will discern my life well
lived with concern.

Why the heck did you write this?
Do you know what you’ve gained.
A new pack of pundits
That may conclude your inane.


Theodor Geisel's (Dr. Suess) first job out of college was working for the leading humor magazine called "Judge". I guess I was bored.